I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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