if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
