Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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