Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
