Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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