I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize