so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
