if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
