I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
