My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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