Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
