His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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