Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
