I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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