I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
