I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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