I'm sorry my penis didn't work
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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