Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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