I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
