hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize