I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
