Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
