half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
