We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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