a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
