We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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