can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
