So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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