I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
