I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
