Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
