I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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