she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Boobs are out for the taking
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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