He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
