Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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