Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
