I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
