I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
