Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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