rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
