I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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