Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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