bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
