Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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