Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
