I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
