Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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