i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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