You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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