I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
