So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
