I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
