Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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