Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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