it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
