The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
