Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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