No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
