I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
