This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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