i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just forgot I was standing up.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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