Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Im part way to drunk.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize