so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
