Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
