so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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