I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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