im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
