I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize