Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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