I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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