foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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